Since starting my massage course I’ve been meditating a few minutes each day. My course instructors have said it can bring clarity. That the time can be used to sort through struggles or explore who we are. Here is what I have realized:
For a point of personal clarification, I feel as if I should remark that the goal of this journey should not be mistaken as me trying to find myself. I know who I am. As strange as it might seem coming from someone who just quit her job and fled the country, I love, miss, and define myself as being a teacher. Nothing can compare to inspiring lightbulb moments where a child goes from mere letter blending to reading everything in sight or realizes just how much they love learning. So how can I justify then sitting in this hammock on the island of Kho Phi Phi with no intentions of returning to my school for the upcoming year?…because more than just a teacher at heart, I am also a student. I love learning. I wholeheartedly believe that this is one of the major reasons I was even good at my job. Effective teachers are always learning and changing in tandem with their students. I am a cake decorator, photographer, sales associate, massage therapist, and researcher in training to name a few of the things I’ve been trying on for size. This trip is to tap into another facet of me–the student side that may have taken a bit of a back seat to my students the past 2 years. This is what our 20s are for–learning how being us fits into this crazy world. I know who I am; what that looks like though I believe will always be changing. For me teaching and learning cannot solely describe my job in an elementary school, I want it to define whatever I choose to do in my life. I choose to live this way for no other reason than it makes me happy. There is no need for any clarity in that.